some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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