dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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