WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
