when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
