weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
and she was petting her beer can
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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