I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
