those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
