I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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