i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
