probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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