As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
