It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
