im having a threesome with these popsicles
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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