Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
