I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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