i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
