Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
