i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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