I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
