Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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