Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
