I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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