why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
