God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i came on her dog
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
