Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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