ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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