ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
