and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
