Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
