I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
