My liver just broke up with me...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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