I'm lost and stupid without you.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He passed out mid-signature
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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