I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
