I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
