Got a toothbrush?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
