I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
