I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Farmville is her only friend.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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