Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
