How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
