Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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