he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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