THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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