My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
MIDGETS
????
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
