You're completely useless in the revolution.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm like, not good at living.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
