You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
