I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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