Can i not drive my cunt home
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
