Soap is not a condiment
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
