I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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