oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
