Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
