I'm so fucking centered right now
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
